“Qui audet adipiscitur.”
“Who dares, wins.”
– Unknown
More than one person has suggested I take on too much. Despite the elements of truth in such claims, I hold no intention of stopping. Why?
I dislike limitations.
Not to say I don’t believe in them, but at any given time I can make a guess as to where my limits are and be wrong. Should I sell myself short, I may miss out by not trying. Contrarily, if I overestimate my reach, I may fail.
Given the choice, I’ll take failure over surrender every time. Why?
Whenever I act and fail:
- I replace speculation with certainty. I know I did not succeed.
- I gain the opportunity to assess what led to this outcome.
- Understanding how I failed, I can refine the skills required to succeed.
- I can change the actions1 contributing to failure, and succeed.
Whenever I fail to act:
- I create doubt from uncertainty.
- I deny myself the ability to learn.
- I avoid risk, yet gain nothing.
- I still do not succeed.
“Sedit qui timuit ne non succederet.”
“He who feared that he would not succeed sat still.”
– Quintus Horatius Flaccus
So why do people give up before trying?
In a word, fear. The paralyzing fear they are not good enough, they may fail and transform the mere possibility of failure into something real. Anyone can claim anything, as long as no need for proof exists. Faced with an opportunity to prove those claims, fear begins to take hold, chipping away at confidence, sneaking in needless questions: Can I do this as well as I thought? If I can’t, what will people think of me?
Society grinds into us the (flawed) perception that failure is shameful. This suggests it is something to avoid, when in truth facing failure head-on is an act of courage, one of self-reliance and trust in yourself.
Though we disguise this with clever terms like “risk management”, the underlying truth remains: To be ruled by fear is to accept that you will never be more than you are in this moment. Such thoughts have no place an utterly unacceptable notion.
“I can’t.”
This phrase should never be uttered. “I won’t” is acceptable. It says “I choose not to”, accepting responsibility for the decision. If you are not confident in your ability to act, start by taking control of your decisions. Own your choices.
“I don’t have time.”
What you actually mean when you say this is “I don’t want to make time”. Were it important enough, you would make time. You choose not to.
“This is too hard.”
Break down the seemingly overwhelming task or situation into smaller elements and digest them individually. Establish a foundation and build upwards. No problem is insurmountable, if you are willing to spend the time.
What about you? How do you handle self-doubt?
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011 Chris Olstrom- Very few opportunities never come again, despite what salesmen claim. [↩]
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Listening to Tony Robbins, Jack Canfield, Neale Donald Walsh. Keeping in contact with my master mind group. Taking Massive Action steps towards my goals. Working out. and if I find myself in the middle of a bad day, I just remind my self that, I am human, and that I am alive, and that the only reason that I am having a bad day is because of my current perspective.
Hi Lisa, thanks for adding your perspective on this!
"I am human."
I draw two things from this. The statement "I am human" is generally used to imply that failure is inevitable. If failure is bound to happen or time or another, surely it's not all that bad. It is something we can pick ourselves up from, dust off, and try again.
The danger here is when the "I am human" mindset leads to expecting failure. Worse still are the cases where we do not assess how we failed, and simply write it off as a "human error". If we do not learn from out mistakes, are we not doomed to repeat them?
"I am alive."
A constant reminder that we have had a lifetime of learning to equip us for success, and that each decision we make will only add to that arsenal of knowledge, whatever the outcome of that choice.
"The only reason I am having a bad day is because of my current perspective."
Absolutely. Regardless of the events up until now, what happens next could go in any direction. How you view the situation colors the decisions you make. If you allow a few unrelated bad calls to affect your confidence, then you plant the seeds of doubt. All that does is leave you second-guessing yourself, even if you know what to choose. Taken from the other side, successive good decisions can lull you into carelessness.
Keep a level head and treat each decision as independent from all others in a day (unless a sensible relationship exists between the events), like a series of die rolls.
I think there's an additional dimension to the option "I don't want to make time." You didn't mention this dimension; so I figured I'd do it. ;-) The people who fall into this category are of three types: 1) those who wish they had the resources (like time, energy, whatever) to do more than they do, 2) those who are quite content to do less, achieve less, enjoy watching the grass grow, etc., and 3) those who don't even realize that they could do more than they already do. The reasons they give the answer "I don't have time" are multifarious. Perhaps they're embarrassed. Or perhaps they simply learned a long time ago that an (overly) intense, frenetic, do it NOW, do-it-all, never be still, ADD culture, can be mitigated by little white lies like "I don't have time."
Of course, there are also those who will answer honestly when posed the question. I often fail to act simply because I'm a lazy couch-potato whose (so far — knock on wood) had all his basic needs met.
The third is a _systemic_ complication. They may have fewer resources (time, energy, etc.) because the socio-cultural system in which they were reared (think suburban Orange Count or inner city Philadelphia) ingrained in them prejudice, abstractions, and desires that prevent them from seeing and taking advantage of any opportunities surrounding them. These people may give up before trying simply because they don't even perceive that something _could_ be tried. E.g. a person with very little money living in the "concrete jungle" may never come across the idea that they could grow their own food. The system effectively constrains their opportunity.
Anyway, just my 2 cents.
Hi Glen, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I'm going to disagree with you on a few of these points, so if that bothers you I would suggest not reading further. ^_~
The impression I get from your comment is that my phrasing of "I don't want to make time" implied it was negative. I'll change that to "I choose not to make time", to clarify my intent. The phrase "I don't have time" is never true unless the person uttering it is moments from death, but choosing not to make time is the point.
Given the choice between ways to spend our time, we must decide. The choice to not create time for something is one of those options. There is no implication that not making time for something is a bad decision. Far from it!
The idea is not to pack our time as tightly as possible. The idea is to own our choices, and draw strength from the fact that we made a decision.
With that in mind, I'd like to discuss the "dimensions" you describe.
Those who wish they had the resources.
Regardless of available resources, we are never powerless. If time (or energy, money, etc) is scarce, we choose the things we value most to spend it on.
Those content to do less have already chosen. They have recognized what is important to them, and are remaining true to it. This is an honorable mindset, worthy of praise.
You mention intensity, the on-the-go, fast-paced lifestyle, and the "never still" mindset, and I wonder if that's what you thought I was talking about. I don't advocate a "do it now, do it all" lifestyle, but I think people tend to sell themselves short when it comes to their limits. Sometimes overburdening yourself (even temporarily) draws out strength you didn't know you had. We don't ever really know our limits until we push past them, and accepting those limits as constants is dangerous.
It's one thing to think. It's quite another to know.
Those who do not realize that they have choices (and are making them) are the ones most in need of empowerment. And yes, there are systems in play designed to discourage choice, and promote acceptance of things as they are. We need to break these systems, and the best way to do that is to promote awareness.
You do not have to limit yourself on anything that you think won't work at all. It is always worth to give it a try and trust in yourself. Life is like trial and error process. You will never know it conclusion until you set your self to start from it.
That's exactly the stance I was trying to communicate, thank you.
There is no limit to the time that can be wasted thinking that something can't be done. Taking the leap and actually doing it often reveals that we haven't given ourselves the credit we deserve.
So don't let doubt slow you down, get out there and find out for sure!
Reading this as I write a new novel. It's exactly the little extra motivation I need. Thanks :)
It's always nice to know that you've had a positive impact on another person. A simple but powerful reminder of why I write, and how important it is to share.
Thank you.